Hi there, nice to meet you! We’re Damian and Anthea, just your everyday couple navigating life with ADHD. Damian here has the hyperactive type, while I lean towards the inattentive side. We didn’t figure this out until we hit our early twenties – talk about a lightbulb moment!
Before our diagnosis, life was a bit like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded – confusing and full of twists and turns. We knew we were different, but understanding why was a puzzle we couldn’t crack.
Fast forward to now, and we’re here to share our journey of growing up with undiagnosed ADHD. So grab a seat, maybe a snack, and join us as we take you through the ups and downs of life with ADHD. It’s a story we’re excited to share with you!
Anthea’s Story
How ADHD affected my academic years
Looking back, my earliest memory related to ADHD dates back to when I was 6 years old, on the very first day of elementary school. I remember feeling restless and unable to focus during class. My mind wandered to imaginary places, where I crafted characters and stories in my head.
I recall sitting with my legs propped up on the table, a habit I somehow got away with without any reprimands from the teachers. Despite my best efforts, concentrating on the lesson was a real challenge. While my friends attentively followed along with the teacher’s instructions, I found it difficult to remain still. To cope, I often resorted to doodling in my notebook or tapping my fingers against the table to keep myself occupied. It was as if my mind had a mind of its own!
Looking back, these early experiences offered glimpses into the unique way my brain operates. Little did I know then that they would shape my journey of understanding and embracing ADHD.
Oh, the struggle was real back in my school days (Twelve grueling years + four years of university) and it’s almost physically painful to recall them knowing that I could have done something if I had known what caused those unruly inattentive spells! Picture this: I was 13 and in my first year of junior high school. There I was, sitting in biology class, supposed to be absorbing the wonders of mitochondria. But my brain had other plans. Instead of diving into biology, I found myself daydreaming about building my own Arctic utopia, Vionne. My imagination was running wilder than a pack of squirrels on a caffeine high.
Try as I might to focus on the teacher’s monologue, my mind was like a rebellious teenager, itching for some action. Whiteboards turned into blank canvases for my daydreams, while the wooden seat felt more like a medieval torture device than a cozy learning spot. And don’t even get me started on the airconless dungeon we called a classroom – talk about a sauna with added stress!
Yeah, studying wasn’t exactly my forte back then. I once even held a spot among the elite “Bottom Five Club” aka the five lowest ranks in the class. Yep, I was like the MVP of mediocrity! All the distractions and inattentiveness during those interminable lessons led to a final report that I desperately wanted to hide from my parents out of shame (and of course I felt really sorry for them too!).
But here’s the thing. While my long-term grades resembled a rollercoaster ride through the valley of academic despair, I was the undisputed champion of short-term victories. I became super hyperfocused when confronted with short-term projects that had clear goals and definite outcomes (I would say they are “in-your-face” kind of projects) such as competitions or a task that would “eliminate” me from something, for example, a debate competition where you can only either win or lose. It’s like my brain was programmed to go full throttle when the deadline—an end—was looming.
Then came the plot twist of junior high: I went from being a contender for the “Bottom Five Club” to snagging the coveted first rank at the final year. And just when you thought things couldn’t get any wilder, I aced the national exam, landing me the second-highest spot in the school rankings. All of this happened in my last year of studying in junior high.
Looking back, I couldn’t quite put my finger on how it all happened. It turns out, that my undiagnosed ADHD was pulling the strings behind the scenes, orchestrating a symphony of unexpected successes. Who knew a rush of dopamine could turn an academic underdog into a surprise success story? It wasn’t some miraculous academic enlightenment that fueled my sudden rise to glory. Nope, nope. It was the mischievous handiwork of my ADHD.
Always receiving the same comments from other people
Growing up, I always hear the same criticisms over and over and over again:
“Why is it so hard for you to put your stuff back where it belongs?”
“Why are you so messy and disorganized?”
“Why do you keep procrastinating and do things last minute?”
“You are so lazy!”
I must say that I agree with their criticisms of me and I know how frustrating these might be for other people. I always thought that the reason why I struggled so much with organizing stuff and keeping track of things that I needed to do was because I was lazy and I needed motivation. I had these “phases” where I would just clean up and organize everything in one single day, on a random night, completely driven by impulse. I just felt that “kick” and that’s when I got down to business.
Other than that, it’s very hard for me to even get started. I would receive a package from someone, and then not open it for years until one random night I just decided to do an unboxing session for all the unopened packages that had been piling up in the corner of my room.
I would ignore the blatantly obvious mess, like a pile of clothes on the floor. My brain knows that I MUST clean it and it knows that the messy pile of clothes looks horrible, but then it just tells me to “do it later”, and the next day something else comes up and I decide that I have no time for that — and soon days would turn to weeks and weeks to months, and then I would randomly get that boost of dopamine to deep clean my room and reorganize everything.
Always forgetting what I just read or what I just heard in a conversation — and being really angry towards myself
I’ve always felt like I had the attention span and memory of a goldfish. I was always the one to sit there in the middle of a conversation, laughing and nodding along, but lost track of what we were laughing about. Sometimes I would have a random lapse of attention and then people would start laughing and I had to ask, “What’s going on?”.
During high school, I was heavily involved in English debate competitions that required my full focus. We had just 15 minutes to brainstorm and prep our arguments before the actual debate, where we had a mere seven minutes to present our case in a high-pressure environment. I vividly recall struggling to retain what my teammates suggested for the debate, often resorting to winging my arguments when the time came. I remember observing my teammates as well as opposing teams, and they seemed to be full-on into it. Every time we lost in the debate, I would blame it on myself.
Maybe if I had remembered what to say…
Maybe if I was able to remember more of the opposing team’s points of argument for me to rebut against…
My ADHD diagnosis at 22 years old (at last)
I was diagnosed in July 2022. At that time I was living alone in a small studio room in Jakarta and was working on my Bachelor’s degree thesis while simultaneously doing an intensive Product Management bootcamp 6 days a week AND working as a UX Design Intern. It was really an overwhelming time for me. It was also a time when I would take out my frustrations towards Damian.
I finally decided to see a specialist and see what comes out of it after Damian encouraged me to. Before this, I was really reluctant to go and see a doctor. I kept procrastinating after saying that I will go to the doctor, and I was also afraid to validate that I might actually have ADHD and it’s going to change how I feel about myself. At this point Damian had already been diagnosed with ADHD the year before, so it was a no-brainer for him.
Sure enough, I was diagnosed to have ADHD with a tendency to be inattentive. Initially I was scared to confirm my suspicion, but then I learned to accept it. My diagnosis really helped me in the quest to accept myself and forgive past angers towards myself. Instead of treating ADHD like an enemy that I have to vanquish (which I can’t anyway because ADHD is not curable), I learned to embrace it as an inseparable part of me.
Damian’s Story
- What was your earliest memory related to ADHD (that looking back now you’re pretty sure it was attributed to your ADHD)?
Coping with adult ADHD
Now that we’re in our mid-20s surely we’d have outgrown ADHD right?
Alright, buckle up, because here’s the scoop on ADHD: it’s not like a bad haircut that magically grows out with time. Nope, ADHD tends to stick around like that stubborn, single strand of hair on your leg that survives multiple waxing sessions. Sure, as we mature and develop our coping skills, the way ADHD shows up might change, but it’s not exactly hitting the road anytime soon.
Think of it like this: ADHD is the quirky sidekick that adds spice to life’s movie. Sometimes it takes a backseat, and other times, it’s front and center, stealing the spotlight. So, while some folks might experience a ‘fade-out’ of symptoms as they age, for many of us, ADHD is here to stay, like a loyal but mischievous pet.
But hey, who said life was meant to be boring, right? With a dash of humor, a pinch of patience, and a dollop of self-awareness, we can navigate the wild ride of ADHD like seasoned adventurers. So, grab your cape, and let’s embrace the quirks – ADHD isn’t going anywhere, but neither are we!
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